Are You In Denial?
If you said no ... don't you think that indicates a problem? One that you should have the courage to admit to? And that, once you did, you would no longer need help? No? Call us immediately. Denial Systems. 206-939-0132.
Counseling patients are persons who have problems. We don't want you to be a person who has a problem. Because we care. Our support groups help you overcome the need to be counseled. Men's Therapy Support Group Services.
-- Do Not Attempt To Contact Us --

Will channel myself into your body while receiving relaxing Shiatsu massage. 206-470-8330.
Jim's Drive-Thru Notary is now offering a FREE 15-second deep-tissue massage with every order.
2002 Aurora Ave. N. (No phone) Jim's Drive-Thru Notary.
You sweat and you suffer until you realize you are just too dignified to exercise. You call LSI, whose undignified experts lose weight for you, look and feel sexier, fit into size 6 again. Your friends hate us instead of you. You eat and eat and eat, content in the knowledge that the suffering, bleeding and endodermic trauma of a skinny person is just a phone call away.
Liposuction Surrogates, Intl. 206-727-0753.

Like most women, you want to be slender, beautiful, and hated by your friends. But what if you have no friends?
Mitchell & McGraw Hate Services -- 206-470-8330

Now you can lose weight and
care about others at the same time.
Give. Puget Sound Blood Bank. 206-727-0753
Now you can lose weight and
have fun at the same time.
Give. Swedish Hospital Sperm Bank. 206-939-0132
The Magic of Journalism
Seattle Times columnist Jean Godden always refers to Seattle as "Latteland." Over 8,000 times in last two years. Imagine! "Latteland, Latteland." Put this journalistic flourish to work for you. I have assembled her columns and highlighted the relevant usages. No more unsanitary finger down throat. Just read and hurl. 206-470-8330.
Edible Lee Press-On Nails. Cheese or mocha. 284-0752.
Quandary defined:
You've been doing the NY Times crossword puzzle on the toilet every day now for the last 20 years. And in so doing you've generated a hemmorhoid the size of a child's head. Nice. You've considered just not doing the puzzle, but ... what kind of life would that be? You've thought of having it removed, but ... no, it's a valid part of you. Rolfing would do the trick, but ... all that personal touching. Hmm.
Quandary solved:

"My work in Karate Kid 3 was more understated. I let my character's demons flicker to the surface. Nuances. Pure Strasberg School. The critics missed that, but that's to be expected. Of course, I've never paid much attention to the critics. As an artist who cares about his craft, I ..."
Sorry about the mess. But you get the idea.
Ralph Macchio Vomit Inducement Systems
206-470-8330. We also have Ralph Bellamy, Ralph Kiner.
Breast Enhancement for Men???
Sure! Just ask a woman. She'll tell you that nothing makes a breast feel perkier and more alive than being fattened up by a reliable silicone, saline or neoprene rubber implant. Come on in! No anesthetic; completely painless. You'll walk out with great-looking breasts! Hundreds to choose from or bring your own.
-- 206-470-8330 --

The emergency-room waiting area of Ballard Hospital now has ESPRESSO! "Double tall latté, please!" Only at Ballard Hospital Emergency Room.
The Miracle of Adoption
Are you considering adopting a person or business in order to qualify for monthly AFDC benefits?
We should talk. Family Systems. 206-939-0132

The Miracle of Adoptedness
Are you or your business considering becoming adopted for tax purposes?
We should talk. Family Systems. 206-939-0132

Birthday kids eat free at Denny's. FREE! Kids get free soda with meal at Sizzler's. FREE! Hungry? Call and save $$$.
Tyler One-Day Adoptions. 206-470-8330

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