TOOK. Gray cat, M, red nylon collar, from yard of house on W. Prospect. Dennis, 206-470-8330. Please do not call.
SOLD. F Beagle, good markings, resonant bell-like bark, shots, to Chok Moy Chinese Cuisine. They told me it was for purposes of scientific experimentation but later I started to wonder and now I just don't know. John, 206-939-0132. Call if you wish, I will not answer.
REPEATEDLY TAKE AND RETURN. The Sanderson's big yellow lab "Thor." From their yard. Between the hours of 10pm and 6am nightly. For purposes of home security. Carl, 206-727-0753. I'd love to hear from anybody.
LOST. T-Birds, 3/17, to Kamloops, 4-2. The blind can call 206-470-8330 to hear an audio version of this ad.
LOST. In area of Ravenna(?). We are from out of town. HELP! Cell phone: 206-470-8330
TO ALL OUR FRIENDS. We've been placing classified ads for years now telling you of some of Squeaky's adventures. Well, the sad day has arrived: it's time for Squeaky to move on. I'm sure you'll love having him in your home: he's received nothing but love over the years. Boy, if that mattress could talk! $40 or best offer. 206-939-0132. Ask for Tom or Ron.
FREE TICKETS! Governor Mike Lowry unpaid traffic tickets. Free. Hundreds to choose from. Speeding, swerving, bumping, incorrect use of turn indicator, other. Limited supply. Must sign standard form acknowledging responsibility for ticket. Lowry Defrayment Trust, Olympia, WA 98331
SPRAY-ON TURD POLISH. Brightens, protects. Includes buffing cloth. Vito's
Unusual Lacquers, 206-727-0753|
MURDERER NEEDED. Young people are skate-boarding on my wheelchair ramp. I need someone to come by and murder them once a week or so. I cannot afford to pay you. The man who did this for me last year has moved away. Florence Milliman, 206-939-0132
NOTICE: Would those who are responding to our ad seeking volunteers to murder skate-boarders in our parking garage please stop responding? Thank you for your interest; we found several qualified people 3 weeks ago, but the phone is still ringing off the hook. The Downtown Bon, 206-939-0132