so that the blind can close their
eyes and imagine the stirring colorbursts of a traditional 4th of July fireworks
show. Ft. Lewis Gunnery Range, Sundays from 1-6pm, $4, kids and pets
welcome.ACT-UP BAKE SALE. A smorgasbord of goodies prepared
by some of the most earnest, well-meaning young activists you'll ever meet, to
raise money for unspecified causes. You'll want to examine and perhaps even
procure a treat from this enticing selection of bone tortes, blood scones,
deviled egg razorcakes and pâté molds packed with tar for use in pelting
participants of the nearby Promise Keepers convention. North Kingdome Parking
Lot, Sun Oct 13, 12-6pm.
THE FOUR EXECUTIVES OF THE
APOCALYPSE. A very special symposium. Messrs. Waste, Paperwork, Sloth and
Inability-To-Control-Costs answer questions about the coming apocalypse and how
best to take advantage of what for some will be an exciting opportunity for
growth, and in particular how to avoid being one of the nearly 800 million dead
worldwide, including TV's Cindy Rinehart, Sol Bergman of Bergman's Lock & Key,
and others. Convention Center, Thur Oct 8, 7pm, $25.
THE
SEX-POSITIVES QUILT. The enormous political bedspread makes a stop in
Seattle as part of its nationwide tour; it is composed entirely of cloth squares
bearing the names of those whose lives went completely sour as a consequence of
their sex-positive status. You'll want to admire, mourn, snuggle up on and
eventually have coitus with other mourners on the poignant, daily dry-cleaned
Quilt, and then maybe add your own square with materials provided. South
Arboretum Playfield, weekdays 10-6pm, thru Oct 25.
VEGANS FOR
BETTER BEEF. Young carnophobes eat meat for a good cause at the 3rd Annual
E. Coli Feed. Jumbo grain-fed E. Coli larvae, raised especially for the
occasion, are butchered (none-too-humanely), separated into steaks and chops,
and pan-fried in butter. Vegans eat nourishing food while creating a more E.
Coli-free environment. Food Circus, Thur Oct 17, noon.
MONKEY PRIDE
PARADE. Seattle's Monkey Community goes "ape-shit" during this annual
event. In previous years it was referred to as the
"Gibbon/Mandrill/Macaque/Trans-species Pride Parade," but that only served to
baffle the good-natured simians. Expect once again for shops to be closed and
for Broadway traffic to be diverted as an expected 8,000 chimps enjoy an
afternoon of looting and vandalism. As always, the Grand Marshal will be Police
Chief Norman Stamper. Broadway and several adjacent streets, Wed Oct 9,
beginning at 1pm.
THE BULIMIA EXPERIENCE. The tragedy of bulimia,
in which victims suffer through an endless cycle of dining, vomiting ("purging")
and dining once again. Dudes and fat chicks are invited to come understand and
empathize with the Bulimia Experience at the 3rd Annual All-U-Can-Eat Ipecac
Chips 'n Chowder Feed. Kappa Gamma Mu dining room, Mon Oct 14, 6-9pm.
JEAN ENERSON TOUR. Tour group meets in Westlake Plaza and from there
surreptitiously follows Ms. Enerson on her regular Saturday shopping
excursion. The popular KING-TV anchor will sniff, yank at, try on, loudly
complain about, and eventually shoplift a dynamic assortment of Nordstrom
fashion items. If the tour is cut short (as it was last week), tour-goers will
be offered the choice of either accepting a refund or accompanying Ms. Enerson
through the booking process at King County Jail. Princess Tours, Westlake Plaza,
$5.
SPIRITS IN MOTION. Dance can enthuse even the
less-than-graceful. You will delight to the resilience of the human spirit as
twelve dynamic young drug-coma sufferers "dance" to the music of Vivaldi in
radio-controlled wheelchairs operated by volunteers from the audience.
Seattle International Raceway, Sun Oct 26, 7pm, free (volunteers, $4).
MARCH FOR PET HEALTH. Something for everyone. Cat-lovers are encouraged
to bring their sneakers, a leash, and their favorite kitty for this charity
march to raise money in the fight against Feline Fatigue Syndrome. The rest of
us will want to line the streets and watch as the loving pets -- who are unaware
of such a syndrome and in any event would not want it cured -- are threatened,
prodded, zapped with cat-tasers and eventually dragged the entire length of the
10-kilometer route. Broadway and several adjacent streets, Wed Oct 9,
beginning at 1pm.
THE FREEDOM TO SEEM NORMAL. Seems like women,
children, even common criminals have basic civil rights these days. So why not
specially-designated smoking areas for the handicapped? That way, smokers who
have lost their lower jaws to cancer and thus are obliged to smoke through their
noses can do so without contending with stares and comments. Anyway, that's the
premise behind a planned protest "smoke-in" by the aforementioned smokers on the
stage at Mural Amphitheater. Sat Oct 12, all day, $5, no flash photography,
please.
SIMULATED SUFFERING FOR EQUALITY. No one has the right to
"own" animals, which have all the rights and dignity of (severely-retarded)
human beings. Well, the tables are turned in this annual charity "slave-auction"
to raise money for animal rights. Celebrity volunteers are "bought" by beagles
during a spirited bidding process; "slaves" must then live with their new
"owners" in kennels and do everything they say for 24 hours. Dogs "bid" and
"give commands" via implanted servo-motors, pistons, and speaker units operated
by experts from The Defense Department. PAWS Corporate Headquarters, 4401
Seneca, Tue Oct 15, 7pm, $100 donation required.
RAMP OF THRILLS.
Can 50 of the top local skateboarders negotiate a quarter-mile obstacle course
that culminates in a 100-ft. chasm high above a fiery pit? If the past is any
guide, thrills will abound as the hirsute skateboard jockeys refuse to even try
and are trussed up and thrown into the pit by event organizers. Fun starts at
6pm, Puyallup Fairgrounds, Wed Oct 23, $6, kids free.
LIVING
YOUNG. A very special symposium. Women can continue to enjoy exciting sex
with strangers even into their 60's by taking advantage of the Middle Eastern
Businessman Hospitality Service, a tax-deductible 
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