48 Warm and Funny Scenes: pt. 5
Scenes 41 - 48

Description: Eva and Fed get married.
How'd we do it?
This is real footage from Sheila and Szhelko's (sp?) wedding on Vashon Island, taken over a year before the Doomed Planet Project began ... and just look at it. No acting, no talking, set design by God Himself and camerawork by a guy who's had nothing stronger than a schooner of sacramental wine: it's simply the finest scene in the movie. This is the clip we've been sending to film festivals. Hey, Sheila and Schelko? We hope you have a neat marriage.

Description: Elle eats M-80.
How'd we do it?
People often ask us why Doomed Planet makes no sense, and there's a funny story behind that. You see, ideally we would've liked to cast Taffy and Elle in a scene together, as a surprise for them, because think of the dynamics there, the chemistry. But they both have restraining orders; and Alex took into consideration Taffy's private rights as a gun owner and friend. So a decision had to made: the big Millennium Party was coming up -- a real Hollywood-style Halloween debauch in Veronica's apartment during which we would film the ghastly murder of the Sad-Flower culters -- and one of these two erstwhile spouses would have to be killed off beforehand. Alex wanted to use pig uteruses as stunt-guts but otherwise had no particular vision for this scene. Taffy wasn't answering the phone around that time, but Elle was sweet enough to answer hers and thus was chosen to be covered in pig uteruses for the sake of the Movie. So we shoot the scene and eventually Elle comes to her senses: she wasn't about to miss out on the hottest Seattle party scene of the season, and she would be bringing some of her stripper friends. So Taffy's the star of the movie but he's not at the party. Elle's dead but is at the party. And the strippers come to the party but don't take their clothes off. Alex finally just decided the movie makes no sense because it's a dadaist commentary on our troubled times. Elle was a bit leery about "eating" a real M-80 so to get her to do this we had to remove the gunpowder from the M-80 casing and insert a Vienna sausage. You know how when Elle explodes, all that smoke pours out of her? That's pot smoke. When Alex bought the pig uteruses to use as stunt-guts, the cashier at Uwajimaya squinted at him suspiciously and demanded, "You know how cook this?"

Description: Baba-Jambi and Lala make out on Elle's corpse.
How'd we do it?
At last: naked breasts. We start to think that maybe, just maybe, we have a hit movie on our hands. Elle has the word "fuck" tattooed inside her lower lip, but unfortunately she's kind of bashful about it and the only way you'll ever see it is if you strap a dental mirror to the end of your penis. Elle is supposed to be "dead" in this scene but if you carefully watch her left hand during the last few seconds you can clearly see her wolfing down Cheetos. Veronica objects when strange men come up to her on the street and compliment her on her work as a professional performer at Lusty Lady strip theatre. "Men see you naked, they think you're their friend," she grouses. And what if strange men compliment her on her cinematic necrophilia work? "That's different," she says with a smile. "That's art." Alex shook his head grimly. "Art. That's the kind of attitude that sent 'Titanic' right down the toilet. As soon as we're done she's fired."

Description: Raphael and Geoffrey throw Kurt out the window.
How'd we do it?
Originally we were going to dress up the dummy -- you know, the dummy that Shayla pounded in Scene 22 -- like Kurt and drop it out the window followed by the remaining Chihulys, but we couldn't find anyone willing to carry it up three flights of stairs, so we changed all that for artistic reasons. Alex just couldn't say "no" to his fine young actresses. Example: Veronica wants a line of dialogue in this scene and, seeing as we were shooting it in her apartment, Alex says okay, and so when she goes to the bathroom we shoot the scene. And see that drug-laced cookie Hadley's eating? She wanted a line too, so Alex said okay and gave her the cookie until her "line" didn't seem so important anymore. For the rest of the movie she showed up for every one of her scenes -- the only actor to do so -- and everyone else's scenes, that's how much she wanted a line. Jeff swiped those rubber gloves and ropes for us from his real-life job at Bayview Manor Child Care.

Description: Cults merge at New Year's Eve party.
How'd we do it?
Hostess Veronica thoughtfully set out porn for the party-goers. The party was going full blast and Alex was trying to get the cast organized for the big murder scene so we just gave him one of Hadley's cookies. Three-Finger Jack set up shop in one corner of the room and strummed 'n crooned through his Grateful Dead standards and like all good buskers wouldn't stop playing until someone paid him a quarter. During editing, Alex was constantly carping that there weren't enough persons of color in the movie, and when a gaffer pointed out all the footage of the gold-painted lady in this scene Alex nodded quietly and that was the end of the controversy.

Description: Armageddon.
How'd we do it?
Alex wanted a big, explosive finale because "that's what they did in Caddyshack," and we started planning for it right from the start. First: the munitions, and that was easy. We headed up to the Mukilteo Indian Reservation around July 1st and their "Boom City" -- a colorful, carnival-like explosives fair -- and illegally purchased a 100-pack of M-80s. Needed next: a menagerie of old TVs, Mac LCs, and other hi-tech destroyables; an open field far from civilization; a plexiglass shield to stand behind; various licenses, permits, etc. Almost a year later Alex denotated the whole bag of M-80s outside Seattle's Obachine Restaurant. You know, you can burn just about anything in a custom-built barbecue without destroying it except plastic. Filmmaking on a budget: all those fancy figurines actually only amount to about $15 worth of Sativa's toys. Right in the middle of everything the fire department shows up and tells us to use butyl acetone for a cleaner, hotter burn.

Description: Mary Jane and Mr. Sparkle look at rubble, think.
How'd we do it?
Alex did his own make-up for this scene, so we opted for a monochrome filter, high contrast, 2% Gaussian blur. We did Shayla's voice-over work at Mercado Studios. Listen ... hear that? What sounds like a high-pitched engine? That's Shayla's son, Sativa, in the corner of the sound-proof booth playing Hot Wheels with Alex. The rubble in this scene was actually some of the debris -- a small part of the debris -- resulting from the five days of rioting and chaos that coincided with the 1999 Promise-Keepers convention. People assume we did this scene by having the actors stand facing the Hendrix Museum, but no, they're not looking at anything in particular. In fact, Alex isn't even aware the camera's on, he's just suffering naturally.

Scene 48: HAPPY BEE
Description: Mary Jane and Mr. Sparkle have formed The Happy Bee cult.
How'd we do it?
Alex wants the final scene of the movie to involve crazy running around downtown because he believes "that's how Groove Tube ended," he's not sure, even he couldn't sit through it. Alex loses sunglasses, wig in Puget Sound. Drives back to Galaxaco Studios wearing nothing but wet underpants. Alex drew the Happy Bee logo. We never got a chance to use Alex's cool Red Skull logo, so he is presently seeking investors interested in purchasing distributions rights to 100,000 Red Skull Cult T-shirts, stickers and trading cards. See where Alex waves at well-wishers? And where he holds Shayla's hand and looks into the sunset? Alex promises not to act in the Sequel.

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